(Photo credit: Martin Vorel – “Lovers on the Beach”)

Ausrede – the German word for “Excuse”.

That was the word you taught me. You said I’ve too many excuses and that I keep making excuses not to do something. I thought you were right. And, I think you are right.

I’ve been prostactinating too much, even right now when I’d rather be here penning down my thoughts for this post than to do anything else. I’ve also been so tired out by work recently.

There are things I want to do, been wanting to do, and even right now but I’m just putting it off. Mainly packing my room and preparing the CV for the position in Germany. And, making changes to my life to live more productively in general. I told myself next weekend, next weekend because I was always so tired after work, but a month or so have passed, and it is no where near completion.

I will get the CV done by end of this month. It seems like a better future and environment, and it doesn’t help when your manager is a shadow figure due to personal issues and the company doesn’t want to rope in any other person to deal with whatever she needs to do during her absence (well, probably because she’s still a headcount). It’s utterly unfair that people have to cover for her job during her absence. It’s really a self-serving world where every man is for himself. Being one of the people who have to deal with some of her work, it’s kind of tiring me out amid working with colleagues who are so unmotivated, just watching the clock and doing the barest minimal.

I wish I’m working in a dream team with motivated people like myself or people I’ve meet. People who at least could hold a conversation beyond talking about entertainment, gossip, and other superficial talks. At least the team I’ve met in HQ seems great.

Keine Ausreden mehr! Thank you for waking me up. I don’t know if I would think what you said make sense if you were somebody else. But I just like listening to you. And, I thought perhaps this position might get us a little closer. Maybe I just need a strong reason… And the reason is – you.

And, I miss you. Sometimes. 


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